Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Oh Billy Blanks- Just Kill Me Know

I mean really dude- do you have to torture me for a WHOLE 45 minutes? I actually heard my own abs creaking in the middle of one of your medeival double-time back-breaking torso twist orgies. I guess they were creaking because they were too tired to scream.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Southernisms


I got these from an email, but I think it originated here.


1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie
fit and a conniption fit.
2. Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish make up a mess.
3. A true Southerner can point you in the general direction of
cattywumpus.
4. A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in
"Going to town, be back directly."
5. Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a
request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty
little bowl in the middle of the table or a request for heroin.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
7. No true Southerner has a problem handling his (or her) "pot likker."
8. True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of
solace for neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken
and a big bowl of cold tater salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis,
they also know to add some hot biscuits and a nanner puddin'.)
9. True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "pert'
near" and "a right far piece."
10. True Southerners both know and understand the differences
between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
11. True Southerners never go snipe hunting twice.
12. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
13. True Southerners sometimes wear long sleeves, but only if they
roll 'em up past the elbows.
14. True Southerners are born knowing that you should never loan
your tools, pickup, or gun to anybody.
15. True Southerners have always known that the South is more American
than America.
16. To this list, add: begins a friendly conversation with the phrase,
"How's mama an 'em".
17. And any Southerner knows where "over yonder" is - or just when
to insert "I reckon" into the conversation.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Man- Grandma was HOT!



OK- so it's not Grandma. This is us- a few years ago for Old Timey day at a local church.
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Ostrich Kisses

Yesterday we went to my brother's house for my neices 2nd birthday. On the way- this cheeky ostrich kissed me behind a gas station.
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Friday, January 25, 2008

Recipe-Foil Wrapped Salmon & Fried Rice

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This was delicious- Thanks Emeril.
2 1/2 to 3 pounds salmon
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground white pepper
1 teaspoon coarsely chopped fresh rosemary leaves
1 lemon, very thinly sliced
1/2 small red onion, thinly sliced
8 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.
Rinse salmon fillet under cold running water and pat dry. Cut a piece of foil long and wide enough to encase the salmon when folded over the center and folded up on the ends. Position the foil on a large baking sheet and place the salmon in the center of the foil, skin side down. Sprinkle the salmon with the salt, pepper, and rosemary. Place the lemon slices over the fish fillet along with the sliced onion and garlic slivers. Drizzle the fillet evenly with the olive oil and fold the edges of the foil up over the salmon and crimp to seal. Fold the edges together on both ends to create an airtight package.
Bake the salmon for 15 minutes, or until just cooked through but still moist. Serve immediately, using a large metal spatula to portion fish. Serve some of the accumulated juices spooned over the fish.
Fried Rice- Ellie Krieger
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon canola oil, divided
2 large cloves garlic, minced
4 scallions, greens included, rinsed, trimmed and thinly sliced
1 tablespoon minced ginger
4 cups leftover cooked brown rice
3/4 cup finely diced red pepper
3/4 cup cooked, shelled edamame (soy beans)
1/2 cup fresh or frozen, thawed, corn
6 ounces firm tofu, cut into 1/4-inch cubes
2 eggs, beaten (or egg beaters)
3 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce

Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a wok or large skillet until very hot. Add the garlic, scallions and ginger and cook, stirring, until softened and aromatic, about 2 to 3 minutes. Add the rice, red pepper, edamame, corn and tofu and cook, stirring, until heated through, about 5 minutes. Make a 3-inch well in the center of the rice mixture. Add 1 teaspoon of canola oil, then add the eggs and cook until nearly fully scrambled. Stir the eggs into the rice mixture, then add soy sauce and incorporate thoroughly. Serve hot.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Recipe- Banana Nut Muffins



This is Tyler Florence's recipe ( but ironically he is from Darlington- go figure).


I of course- tweeked it.




2 cups whole wheat flour


1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda


1/2 teaspoon salt


4 overripe bananas


1 cup brown sugar


3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled


2 eggs (or egg beaters)


1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract


1/2 cup pecans, chopped


Preheat oven to 375 degrees F and lightly butter 2 muffin tins.
In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, and salt; set aside. Mash 2 of the bananas with a fork in a small bowl so they still have a bit of texture. With an electric mixer fitted with a wire whisk, whip the remaining bananas and sugar together like you mean it, for a good 3 minutes. Add the melted butter, eggs, and vanilla and beat well, scraping down the sides of the bowl once or twice. Mix in the dry ingredients just until incorporated. Fold in the nuts and the mashed bananas with a rubber spatula. Spoon the batter into the muffin tins to fill them about halfway. Give them a rap on the counter to get any air bubbles out.
Bake until a toothpick stuck in the muffins comes out clean, 18 to 20 minutes. Let cool for a few minutes before turning the muffins out. Serve warm or at room temperature.




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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Recipe- It's the Cry of the Tiger

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Actually- it's called Seur Rong Hai (Crying Tiger).
I only used 7 peppers- so mine was just kinda whining. Food Network- of course-Courtesy Su-Mei Yu's Cracking the Coconut (Morrow, 2000)
This dish is a true Bangkok creation because of its intense flavors. The chiles must be hot enough to make one howl like a tiger but, at the same time, balanced with a blend of sweet-salty flavors to lessen the fire. Fresh peppercorns give a lingering sense of warmth.

2 teaspoons dried green peppercorns
1 tablespoon Big Four Paste (recipe follows)
10 cloves garlic, 5 minced, 5 unpeeled, lightly crushed
2 to 15 serrano chiles, minced
1 pound boneless, skinless large chicken breasts, rinsed and patted dry
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon fish sauce (namm pla)
1 tablespoon sugar
Water as needed
2 tablespoons crispy pork rinds, crushed to the consistency of coarse cornmeal 20 sprigs cilantro, coarsely chopped
Serve with brown rice
Optional: Thai sweet chili sauce

In a small skillet, dry-roast the green peppercorns over medium heat until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Set aside to cool.
Put the Big Four Paste and the minced garlic in a food processors and blended into a paste. Add the unpeeled garlic cloves and blend until the garlic and peels are blended into the paste. Do not worry if the membrane is separated from the cloves. (You may want to remove the peel; I encourage you to try it the authentic Thai way. It may seem unusual, but the reward is the wonderful texture and added taste of crispy garlic peel.) Add the chiles and continue. Add the green peppercorns. Transfer the paste to a small bowl and set aside. The paste will keep well in a jar with a tight-fitting lid in the refrigerator for a couple of weeks.
Trim any fat from the chicken breast. Cut the breast in half. Working with one half breast at a time, slice horizontally almost but not quite in half. Open the meat up into a butterfly shape. Put your hand firmly on top of the meat and press down on it to flatten it. Using a very sharp knife, held at a 75-degree angle to the work surface, slice thinly against the grain into 2 to 3 long pieces. Try to keep the pieces the same size and thickness. Set aside on a plate.
Arrange the ingredients near the stove in the order they will go into the skillet: oil, chile paste, chicken, fish sauce, sugar, and a small cup of water.
Heat a 12-inch skillet over high heat for 2 minutes, or until when you put your hand an inch or so above it, you can feel the heat. Add the oil, then add the chile paste, stirring it quickly, until it turns slightly brown and fragrant, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the chicken, lower the heat to medium, and sprinkle a bit of water into the pan to prevent the paste from burning. Try to keep the chicken pieces flat as you saute them to ensure even cooking. When the chicken is browned, push it to one side of the skillet and add the fish sauce and sugar to the center of the skillet. Stir and blend until the mixture bubbles, then push the chicken pieces into it while you continue to stir until the chicken is coated. If needed, sprinkle a bit more water to prevent sticking. Transfer the chicken to a serving platter, garnish with the crushed pork rind and cilantro, and serve hot.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Recipe- Carribean Salmon with Mango Salsa


FYI- this salsa was HOT. We had so much salsa left over- I used it to make fajitas that same weekend.


For the barbecue sauce:

3 tablespoons vegetable oil

2 yellow onions, chopped

8 ounces guava paste, cut into chunks

2 tablespoons tomato paste

2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar

1/4 cup light or dark brown sugar

2 whole star anise

1/2 teaspoon ground allspice

1/4 teaspoon curry powder

2 tablespoons lime juice

1 tablespoon dark rum


For the salsa:

1/2 cup olive oil, plus extra for greasing the baking dish

3 garlic cloves, finely minced

1/4 cup lime juice (from about 2 limes), plus 2 limes cut into wedges, for serving 1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 mangoes, peeled, fruit cut off seed and diced

1 red bell pepper, halved, seeded, and finely diced

1 green bell pepper, halved, seeded and finely diced

1 yellow bell pepper, halved, seeded and finely diced

1 large red onion, halved and finely chopped

1 serrano chile, finely chopped

optional 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro leaves

1 (15-ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 whole side salmon (about 3 1/2 to 4 pounds)

For the barbecue sauce: Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat for 1 minute. Reduce the heat to medium and add the onion, cooking until it's soft and a little brown around the edges, about 5 to 7 minutes, stirring often. Stir in the guava paste, tomato paste, vinegar, brown sugar, star anise, allspice, and curry powder. Simmer until the guava paste has melted, about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Turn off the heat and let the sauce cool slightly. Discard the star anise; transfer the mixture to your blender and puree. With the motor running add the lime juice and rum. Transfer to a small bowl and set aside, or refrigerate for up to 2 weeks.
For the salsa: Whisk the olive oil, garlic, lime juice, salt and pepper together in a large bowl. Add the mangoes, peppers, red onions, chile, and cilantro and toss to coat. Add the beans and gently toss everything together.

Heat your broiler to high. Line a large baking dish or rimmed baking sheet with a double layer of aluminum foil and grease the foil with some olive oil or nonstick cooking spray. Place the salmon in the prepared baking dish and tuck about 2-inches of the tail end under the fish, so you have a somewhat uniform shape. Pour the barbecue sauce over the salmon and cook it under the broiler until the sauce caramelizes and chars around the edges and the salmon is firm and flakes easily, 8 to 12 minutes for rare (the salmon will still be pink in the middle) or 12 to 15 minutes for well done (the salmon will be cooked throughout).
Spread the salsa on the serving platter and carefully lift the salmon out of the baking dish and arrange it on top of the salsa (use 2 large spatulas to transfer it). Squeeze a few lime wedges over the fish and serve with additional lime wedges on the side.


FYI- this salsa was HOT. We had so much salsa left over- I used it to make fajitas that same weekend.

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Monday, January 21, 2008

Recipe: Ginger Ale Pork Loin

Ginger Ale Marinated Pork Loin- once again- an Emeril masterpiece. No tweeking necessary.
3 pounds center cut boned pork loin roast, patted dry
2 1/2 cups ginger ale
1/2 cup soy sauce
1 cup sherry
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup chopped ginger
1 small yellow onion, chopped
5 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed
6 cardamom seeds, crushed
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Steamed small green beans, baked beans and instant mashed potatos for sides.

Mix the following ingredients in a gallon size zip lock and marinate the pork loin for 12-24 hrs. Combine the ginger ale, soy sauce, 1/2 cup of the sherry, honey, ginger, the onion, garlic, cardamom, and red pepper flakes.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Remove the meat from the marinade and reserve. Pat the roast dry with kitchen towels, season lightly with salt and freshly ground black pepper, and place in a roasting pan. Cook uncovered until an instant-read thermometer registers an internal temperature of 155 degrees F, about 1 hour.
Remove the roast from the oven and place on a platter. Tent with aluminum foil and let rest for 10 to 15 minutes before carving.
Meanwhile, pour any remaining marinade into a medium saucepan and bring to a boil. Cook at a brisk simmer for 5 minutes. Drizzle with the sauce and serve immediately.
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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Recipe: The Darker the Chocolate, The Sweeter the Mousse

I got this from Food Network and tweeked it- You might want to use semi-sweet chocolate because the bittersweet is STRONG.
1 (12.3-ounce) package silken tofu, drained
3 ounces high quality bittersweet chocolate
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup water 1 tablespoon brandy
1/2 cup sugar or Splenda
1 cup Fat Free Cool Whip
1 1/4 teaspoons shaved chocolate
In a blender or food processor, puree the tofu until it is smooth.
Put the chocolate, cocoa powder, 1/4 cup water and brandy in a saucepan on LOW heat. Stir frequently, until melted and smooth. Remove from heat. Mix in 1/2 cup of sugar/Splenda, a little at a time, until smooth.

Add the chocolate mixture to the tofu and puree until smooth and well blended. Spoon the mousse into serving dishes, cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.
Top each serving with a dollop of Cool Whip and a sprinkle of chocolate shavings and serve.
Yield: 5 servings
Optional- mix 1 tablespoon coffee liquer in when mixing chocolate and tofuPosted by Picasa

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Recipe- Tiramisu for YOU!

I got this from a the Jello website and tweeked it to be less calories & fat

1 pkg. (8 oz.) Fat Free Cream Cheese, softened
3 cups cold 2% milk
2 pkg. JELL-O Sugar Free-Vanilla Flavor Instant Pudding
1 tub (8 oz.) COOL WHIP-fat free thawed, divided
48 NILLA Wafers
1/2 cup brewed strong Coffee (or coffee liquer), cooled, divided
2 squares Semi-Sweet Baking Chocolate, coarsely grated
1 cup fresh raspberries




BEAT cream cheese in large bowl with electric mixer until creamy. Gradually beat in milk. Add dry pudding mixes; mix well. Stir in 2 cups of the whipped topping.


LINE bottom and sides of a 2-1/2-qt. bowl with half of the wafers; drizzle with half of the coffee. Layer half of the pudding mixture over wafers, and then top with half of the grated chocolate.



Repeat all layers starting with the wafers and coffee. Top with remaining whipped topping and raspberries.


REFRIGERATE at least 2 hours (or immediately dig in).

Store leftovers in refrigerator. (What leftovers?)


Recipe-Guilt Free Fried Chicken

OK- So this is the Oven-Fried version of a Southern Sunday Tradition. I got this from Food Network- best recipe source ever.
  • 1 1/3 cups Crispex cereal
  • 2 1/4 cups broken bagel chips-by the deli counter
  • 1 tablespoon canola oil
  • 2 teaspoons kosher salt
  • 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
  • 1/2 teaspoon paprika
  • 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
  • 1/2 cup light Duke's mayonnaise
  • 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
  • 4-6 skinless chicken breats

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Set a rack on a foil lined baking sheet. Spray the rack generously with cooking spray. Finely grind the cereal and toasts together in a food processor. Transfer crumbs to a large gallon size plastic bag. Add the oil, salt, cayenne, paprika, and ground pepper and toss to mix thoroughly. Whisk the light mayonnaise and Dijon mustard together in a medium shallow bowl. Add chicken to mayonnaise and turn to coat all the pieces evenly. Drop the chicken into the plastic bag, seal and shake until each piece is evenly coated. Place coated pieces on the prepared rack. Spray the chicken pieces evenly with cooking spray, and bake until the coating crisps and browns and an instant-read thermometer inserted in the thickest part of the pieces registers 160 degrees F, 35 to 40 minutes. Transfer to a platter and serve hot or at room temperature.

Serve with honey mustard or barbeque sauce.

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Recipe-Best Veggie Pizza

I got this from Food Network and tweeked it slightly- more veggies & added wine.

  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 16 ounces mushrooms, sliced
  • 1 medium red onion, sliced
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 (10-ounce) baked pizza crust
  • 1 cup spaghetti sauce
  • 1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes
  • 1/2 cup chianti wine (or any other red wine)
  • 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
  • 1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan
  • 1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh basil leaves

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Heat the oil in a skillet over a medium heat. Add the mushrooms and onions and cook until tender and most of the liquid evaporates, about 5 minutes. Stir in the garlic and remove from the heat.

Reconstitute the tomatoes in the 1/2 cup red wine @ 5 minutes. Toss remaining red wine- do not attempt to drink- I tried and it tasted like blood. Place the pizza crust on a baking sheet. Spread the sauce over the crust leaving a 1-inch border. Top with the mushroom mixture and sun-dried tomatoes. Sprinkle with the mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses. Bake until the crust is crisp and the cheese is nicely melted, about 13 minutes. Sprinkle with basil, cut into 8 slices and serve. This pizza is also divinely good topped with crisp bacon crumbles.

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My fountain was iced out

We awoke Thusday morning to the remains of our "winter storm". This pic is of my fountain before the rain came and melted it all away
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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Play and Feed Hungry People Rice!

Yeah- it's not a joke.

Play the vocabulary game (click the pic to the left) and for every word you get right- they donate 20 grains of rice to a hungry person.

How totally awesome is that?

Since I am ultra smart- I figure I can end world hunger all by myself- but I wouldn't mind letting you help me out.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

STOP- Hummertime!


Everyone needs a little R & R sometime. Everyone also needs to kick back in a limited edition Hummer. This is mine. OK- maybe it's not mine- but it IS in my driveway-so posseion is 9/10ths of the law- or so my law school drop out brother keeps telling me.
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My waffles are better than yours

That's becasue MY waffles are made with my Cinderella waffle maker. Only a REAL Disney princess gets to eat the likeness of Cinderella and Prince Charming in their royal carriage. How does it taste you ask? It tastes like money, all of the interest- none of the depreciation.

FYI- I stole this plate off of Wonder Woman's airplane.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

I love the old Bi-Lo, but not enough to marry it


Yes. It's true. I love shopping at Bi-Lo #41. It's obvious lack of selections due to location and square footage make my shopping sprees brief, kinda like a retail therapy quickie. I know I've been accused of "using" the old Bi-Lo when I am too tired to go to Walmart, but that's not entirely true. Lately Walmart's been kinda on the retail rag and I'm tired of standing in line for "self checkout". I mean- why do I even bother stopping by anyway? Yeah- you lure me in with your cheap "tricks" and every day low price strategy, but where is the love? My dollar doesn't seem to stretch like it used to Walmart- no offense.
Anyway- like I was saying. The old Bi-Lo- ('cause there are 2 in town and I don't want to confuse you with the "new" Bi-Lo 'cause I hardly EVER go there- I hear it is "enhanced") is like my grocery sweet spot. I can be in and out in less than 10 and still be home by 6 with just 2 registers open. Can I get this kinda service anywhere else? No. Nowhere. Well maybe CVS- but they don't got it goin' on like da OLD Bi-Lo.
It's also like a mini- adventure. I get tired of watching weird crap on tv, I want to see it LIVE. Old Bi-Lo's got it all. Want to see something like Fear Factor? Visit the meat center. One time I saw chicken feet packaged for sale right next to the chicken breast (like that's anatomically possible- musta sold outa the thighs that day). Another time it was ox tails. Who raises oxen these days anyway? Maybe it taste good with the chicken feet. They also carry rabbit. I don't eat rabbit, but it's nice to know I CAN. See, this strange food variety stimulates my brain and makes me think of things like voodoo, New Orleans, the Amish and Davey Crocket.
Besides all the fun I have shopping here, the old Bi-Lo likes to give me holiday presents. Last Year I got a turkey AND a ham. When was the last time Walmart gave me anything? I mean, besides making me wait in excrutiatingly long lines that make my baby scream from sheer boredom.
Like I said, I love the old Bi-Lo, but not enough to marry it. If we were married, I wouldn't get to drop in at Harris Teeter on my lunch break and try all the fresh fruit samples.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Recipe: California Salad

Best Salad Ever- You have been warned!

2 bags spring mix salad
1 & 1/2 bag Tyson frozen-grilled chicken strips
4 oz blue cheese crumbles
3/4 cup dried cramberries
2 -15 oz cans mandarin oranges- drianed
2 pints strawberries- washed and sliced
1 pkg center cut bacon- fried, drained & crumbled
2 cups sugarged walnut pieces (recipe follows)

Sautee frozen chicken in a frying pan until hot.

Arrange ingredients as shown in picture. Makes 4 large salads. Enjoy!

Sugared Walnuts
3 cups walnut halves or walnut pieces
1 cup sugar
1/2cup water
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla

Spread the walnuts out on a large cookie sheet; bake at 275° for about 15 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from oven and set aside.


Combine the sugar, water, cinnamon and salt in a 3 quart saucepan and cook to 236°, soft-ball stage, WITHOUT STIRRING. Note: Use a candy thermometer for exact temperature if at all possible. You get much better results.

Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla and the nuts.
Stir gently until the nuts are well coated and mixture has begun to cool down.
Turn out onto a greased cookie sheet, separating any pieces that have clumped together.
Cool completely.

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Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I am so not from around here-

Yeah- you can save your breath because I am so not from around here. Where am I from? Well here's the long and short of it.

Short: My dad was from Alabama and met my mom on his Army tour of duty in Panama. Now I live in Lancaster, SC- my husband's hometown.

Long: I was born in Ft. Davis, Panama, moved to Ft. Benning, GA when I was like 2, then Ft. Ord, CA when I was 6, back to Ft. Sherman, Panama when I was 9, then Ft. Jackson, SC when I was 12. The best part of this was the stretch between 9 & 12 in Panama.

During this time- we lived in Upper Sherman- @ 25-50 Duplex style homes on cement block stilts. My mom was horribly ill and very pregnant with my sister. My mom had these giant blisters/boils all over her body-even the soles of her feet- that the doctors couldn't diagnose or treat since she was pregnant. She was hospitalized and this left me so unsupervised in a tropical paradise. I don't remember 1 single meal while we lived in Panama or even what the inside of our house looked like.

It was the coolest thing ever. I didn't even miss my mom- I am quite self sufficient and totally self- absorbed. Here is a list of how I spent my days-

-riding my BMX bike to the airfield and watching the helicopters take off
-cutting through the swampy air fields to get to the library
-then washing the foul black mud off in the library sink-sorry!
-spending my money on giant Sweet Tarts at the PX
-break dancing to Thriller on the Juke Box
-praticing my moonwalk in the carport
-watching sloths in my backyard
-busting open clams (maybe they were oysters) trying to find pearls
-climbing the rocks at the lighthouse
-playing in chest deep water at the lighthouse tring to catch colorful fish with my hands
-catching hermit crabs only to take them home and they died
-picking my way through the swampy jungle to get to the beach
-tight-rope walking on this huge pipe to get to Devil's Beach- lots of undercurrent
-hiding out in an old underground bunker complete with camoflauge stuff and barbed wire
-exploring what used to be a zoo and imagining what animal's used to live there
-catching royal blue butterflies and making display cases out of milk cartons
-catching jellyfish in old pudding cup cans and wondering why my hands burned
-covering myself head to toe in mud at the dirt bike track and earning the name "diarhea head" (thanx bro)
-daring and drinking water out of this deep well with all this slimy stuff growing in it
-checking out dead snakes that cars had run over
-busting coconuts open with a machete, drinking the milk and making coconut popsicles
-playing with Stephanie- older kid with glasses- just like me- thanx for buying me Brainy Smurf!
-walking to the movies in the dark with flashlights
-repeatedly falling off my bike and limping to Doc's house for a patch up (I assume he was a doctor)
-watching movies in the theatres with bats flying overhead
-stuffing myself with anything gummie- first bears- then worms
-playing hide and go seek with the big kids- who spit guava seeds into each others mouths to determine team captains- they were soooo cool
-trying to hold my breath as the truck came by spewing mosquito repellent everywhere ( I'm sure I looked like the bugs in the Raid commercials)

So yeah- I am so not from around here.

Thanks Ed for the commnets! ALL brats should register at www.militarybrat.com

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The Re-BOURNE Ultimatum


OK- this is for your guys out there that keep asking for a masculine resolution giude to 2008.
Here it is- The Re-BOURNE Ultimatum
1. Learn a Martial Art
That's right- fulfill your childhood dream and get schooled in the art of ninja-or karate- kung fu- whatever. It doesn't matter as long as you get in shape and learn to defend yourself. You never know when the CIA will hunt you down like a dog. Be prepared.
2. Learn a New Language
May I suggest Spanish- but dude it's your life so you pick. This will help dramtically when you are forced to go incognito in a foreign country. Will also help when you get a "job" as part of your disguise.
3. Be Self-Sufficient
Come on man, stop whining. I can barely hear myself think with your constant Blah Blah Blah. Do you think Jason Bourne has time to figure out why the dude in the elevator didn't speak to him? Get a life! JB was too busy trying to stay alive. Remember- God helps those who help themselves. Oh yeah- it is OK to accept help from the lady who was trying to kill you 5 minutes earlier-But only if she's hot.
4. Have Secrets
Like- it's not necessary to let everyone know the deep dark secret foods that give you odious gas or make your inerds wiggly. Or the story about how you puked until you busted a vein in your eye. These little things keep you mysterious. Please- less IS more.
5. Be a Hero
Volunteer somewhere and help someone. Any one- feed the hungry, shelter the homeless - or just clean out your closets and donate your extra crap to Goodwill. It's all good. Besides- you have to make amends for your past( remember #4? This adds to your sexy mystery quality!).
6. Your Choice
This is like a wild card- make it what you want. Some suggestions- take flying lessons, skydive, white water rafting, horseback riding, rock climbing, camping, hunting, fishing, brewing, kayaking, spelunkering, diving, skiing, snowboarding, sharp shooting, archery or any thing else-
Oh yeah- and practice your long jump. That hopping from rooftop to rooftop looks kinda hard.

Monday, January 7, 2008

How do I get this straight jacket off?

This morning I was reading an article by Stephen Covey- yeah the 7 habits guy- and there was this line- It was something about how we choose the road well travelled and find ourselves trading creativity and freedom for a safe straightjacket- or somehting like this. Anyways- Does anyone know how to get this straight jacket off? I had so much help getting it on...yet as I try to take it off...people keep acting as if I am crazy not to love it-


Sunday, January 6, 2008

Outdoorsy

Another 1 of my 2008 resolutions, to be more outdoorsy. So here is my pic of the sunset over the lake.
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Friday, January 4, 2008

Movie Review: Don Juan DeMarco


Just a cute, romantic comedy? Not quite- from what I hear- this Johnny Depp movie has to power to transform your life. It turns dull housewives into sultry divas and geeks into- well geeks with good pick up lines. You may need to watch this movie several times before you get the full effect-it is pre-POTC Johnny Depp (Pre- Pirates of the Carribean) and may have lost some of its potency over the last few years.




I give it 5/5 STARS

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Johnny Depp & I are SOOO tight

I mean, he’s not like- my boyfriend or anything, and I’m like married, but we are sooo tight.
Don’t believe me? Let me review some points with you.

1-We smoke-
JD- actually wishes he had more mouths to smoke out of
MK-I smoke in my dreams. Especially when I have ultimate control over someone and must decide their fate. This is also why Mr. Burns and I are so tight. Kinda makes JD a little jealous.

2-We like scissors-
JD- used to wear his Edward Scissor hands –hands when he was off set to get a realistic feel for what it would be like to have real scissor hands
MK-I can’t find a pair of scissors in my house – so forget ever getting to run with them. Scissors are so scarce in my house, my family members actually hoard them like gold.

3-We like the French
I eat french fries, he eats french…Let’s move on shall we?

4-We like pirates
JD- plays the charmingly decadent Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean inspiring thousands to try and pass off fake pirate accents
MK-wear a small gold hoop earring at the top of my left ear. Keeps me pleasantly amused as I daydream about robbing and pillaging as I tidy the house. FYI- the fake pirate accent only works for my husband-sometimes

5-We are internationally known
JD- for his daring choices in movie scripts and the insanely strange and fantastically odd characters he chooses to play
MK-every race under the sun beats a path to my door to ask me the age old question- "Where are you from?" Then they explain to me how they were so sure I was (fill in the blank). So far, these are some of the races and nationalities that have tried to claim me: Indian, American Indian, Phillipino, Puerto Rican, Mexican, African American, Brazilian, Colombian, Spaniard, etc.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

What do 2 dead opossums look like? You had to ask...



I have had several people ask- "What do 2 dead opossums look like?"
Well here is an example. God only knows how long they've been dead.
Please, please buy this woman a new bra.
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Tuesday, January 1, 2008

An Epidemic of Kindness

On this 1st day of the New Year, I was watching the World Magician Awards and saw some amazing acts. Of course, like everyone else, I was waiting to see Pamela Anderson, the Magician’s Assistant of the Year. While I waited, they presented the Blackstone Award to Larry & Frances Jones for their life work of Feed the Children. In 2007 they provided and shipped 129 million pounds of food and other essentials to children and families in all 50 states and in 43 foreign countries, supplementing more than 730,000 meals a day worldwide. This puts my charity work to shame, what about yours?

So, live this year like you are filthy stinking rich, and do what rich people do. Help the less fortunate- donate to Feed the Children. After all, if you have a place to live and food to eat, you are already wealthier than most of the world’s population. Will you really miss that $8 that will feed a child for a month? Or the $55 that will de-worm 500 children? Think- you can really make an impressive impact with 1 kind deed. You can even do it in honor of someone and send them an e-card notifying them. You can start an epidemic of kindness that will hopefully infect the world.